*INTERNAL HOME MEMO*

*FROM*:           FATHER

*TO:*               ALL DEPENDANTS & RELATIVES

*CC*:               MOTHER

*DATE*:           August 05, 2016

*SUBJECT: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN/COST CUTTING MEASURES FOR YOUR URGENT ATTENTION*

*Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and regulations*
*Have been revised as below and under no* *circumstance is any violation going*
*to be accepted*.

1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared *Restricted Zones*. Entry
and/or passage shall require express permission from *myself upon submission of written request*.

2.  Breakfast is banned.  This matter cannot be *discussed*!

3.  Such food items as *rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk* are
Restricted.  Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to
*me in triplicate*, with three days notice, giving justification backed by a *qualified dietician* report as supportive documentation.

4. Bathing in the morning is limited to *5 litres* of water per
person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are *medical reasons*.

5. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect.  *All dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster* I shall make
available shortly.

6.  No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to
offer food, drinks or even music.  *Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.*

7. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from the House.

8. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in The
House, shall immediately have to seek *temporary employment*
somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s).

9.  All *visitors* intending to spend a *night/week or more* shall apply in triplicate and give *two months notice*, with an endorsement from
their *village Head or Church Priest*, giving convincing reasons why they can't stay at their *homes*.  Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrival.

*THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!*

Signed:

*DAD*
Chairman of Home Affairs

How Arsenal's 2016-17 season will play out

See the Newest Member of Uganda’s First Family

An unsuspecting man has recently been unwillingly added to the first family. The poor chap who bears a striking resemblance with President Museveni is being trolled on social media as a brother to the president. See images here.

😭😭😭Another deadly accident on massacre (masaka) road this morning.

This car collided with a truck full of sand. All died including a heavily pregnant lady. Nze kati okuyita ku masaka road ontuma e Gulu on foot

Credit: Jalia Kintu

DON'T SCROLL WITHOUT TYPING RIP

CONFESSION OF A LADY

"I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I
shouldn't).
When I got to my fiance's place for dinner,he seemed
excited to see me and exclaimed delighted. Darling I have a
surprise for you tonight. He then blindfolded me and led me
to my chair at the dinning table. I took a seat and
just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone
rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold
Until he returned and went to answer the call. The beans I
had consumed was still affecting me and the pressure was
becoming unbearable, so while my
Fiance was out of the room I seized the
opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a
fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage
dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air
around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I
ripped off three more.
The stink was worse than cooked
cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room,I went on releasing atomic
bombs like this for another few minutes. The pressure was
indescribable! Eventually the telephone farewells signalled
the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few
more times with my napkin,
placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling
very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of
innocence when my fiance returned,
apologising for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeped
through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this
point, he removed the blindfold. To my utmost surprise,
twelve dinner guests including his Mum and Dad were
seated around the table

Secret service warn Casanova, Ray J to stay away from the president's daughter

Job

Are you aged between 22yrs - 40yrs
Are you a holder of a Bachelor's degree, Master's degree or PhD in any field related to Finance, Engineering, Statistics, Information Technology, Economics, Commerce, Law, Medicine, Humanities, Social Sciences, Nursing Administration, Education?
Do you have a driver's license?
Do you have at least a minimum of 2 years working experience in any of the fields above?
Are you willing to work from 8.30am - 4.00pm Monday to Thursday and 9.00am - 12.00noon on Friday?
Are you ready to accept and take home a salary of £15,000 per month, transport allowances of £5,000 per month, Housing allowance of £5,000 per month, lunch allowance of £3,000 per month?
Are you ready to travel out of the country at least twice every quarter to UK or any destination of your choice with your partner?
THEN DON'T WORRY! ..YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! .. I'm also looking for such a job!!! If you find one please call me too. ‪#‎goodmorning‬